There has been a tremendous amount of controversy around whether sex addiction treatment is sex-positive or sex punitive. Although there may be some sex addiction therapists who are not well versed in sex positivity, it is not a trait that can be generalized to all sex addiction therapists. In order to work with sexual addictions, education about healthy sexuality is required. It is not up to a therapist to decide what type of sexual expression is healthy and what is not. The main factor that is noteworthy for a sex addiction therapist is whether a sexual practice has become unmanageable.
Sexuality
Sexuality is a personal and vulnerable subject, which can be difficult for some therapists to tolerate. Some therapists have their own hang-ups about sex, others are just uncomfortable with the topic. However, given the current levels of saturation of sex and sexual themes in the media, it is a topic that is in need of discussion. Sexuality is a natural part of what makes us human. Sex can serve many different purposes, and can have different effects on different people. It is only a bad thing when it feels bad for the person involved.
Once again, it is not a therapist’s job to judge your sexual practice. If you are into BDSM, furrydom, scat play, or any other type of kink, please be safe and enjoy yourself. The source of your arousal is not something that should be pathologized. Exploration is not a bad thing, as long as you are safe and as long as it feels healthy for you. The only time a therapist’s attention is required, is if your sexual behaviors are causing you some sort of distress, negative consequences, or if you are having trouble managing your behaviors and you feel like you have no control over them. When sexual behaviors begin triggering past trauma, when they cause negative consequences such as legal problems or disease/infection contraction, when they cause you to feel bad about yourself in some way, or when they cause relational distress or betrayal, that is when they begin to enter the realm of unhealthy behavior. Otherwise, proceed as desired.
Therapy
One important fact that should be noted is the way a person approaches sex is often similar to the way that person approaches other things in their life. It is a therapist’s job to pay attention to everything that surrounds a sexual practice, not necessarily the practice itself. A person’s motivation for their sexual practice of choice is where pathology can lie. We see this in examples such as trepidation, impulsivity, manipulation, or validation seeking. These manners of approaching sex are often indicative of deeper issues, and often have nothing to do with the sexual practice in question. They can be indications of past trauma, low self-esteem, core wounds, or problems with body-image. These types of issues can affect the quality of a person’s relationships, their tolerance of intimacy and development of negative core beliefs, among other things. This type of issue is something that can absolutely be treated in therapy, and is separate from the sexual act itself.
Our job as therapists is to get to and treat the underlying issue, and not have our work be clouded by negative judgments of sexual behaviors. A good therapist will be less concerned with the type of sex you’re having, but will be more interested in why something is enticing to you and how you got to the point where it is problematic, if it is. Everything else is fair game. Enjoy your desired kink, relish your eroticism, and by all means, express yourself. But know that if your enjoyment begins to fall away and if your sex life becomes a source of more negative consequences than positive ones, only at that point and for that reason should a therapist begin to help you.