How to REALLY practice gratitude on Thanksgiving, Instead of getting triggered? Easier said than done. Thanksgiving is not just a time when you are triggered by your family, you can just as easily be triggered by your friends, triggered by posts by your friends, and feel fresh trauma while trying to enjoy turkey. This is a big time of year for therapists. Anytime the prospect of responsibilities, family of origin dynamics, and alcohol can mix can be explosive. I want to offer some practical ways to prepare yourself for all matters of celebrations during Thanksgiving, and ways to transform the trigger into Gratitude.
Set Clear Expectations: There is no quicker way to build up resentment than if you host an event and do not set expectations of how others will contribute. Be explicit. If you want mashed
potatoes, tell the person in charge of potatoes you want them mashed or risk ruining your vision with a twice-baked. Your expectations are not just for you, they are for other people. Be clear about how you want your event to be run When you have people show up who have supported you and done what you asked, truly look at what trouble they went through to prepare food for everyone to enjoy. Also be grateful that you are able to pull together family and friends, and that you have them.
Know your Triggers: This is basic event preparedness. Whether it be a wedding or Christmas, birthday party, or Thanksgiving, know your triggers. Are there people who without fail send you into a tailspin? Are you uncomfortable having discussions about certain aspects of your life? Prepare yourself for these moments and have a game plan. This is a very helpful aspect of therapy, game plans, and scripts. It can be hard to find a silver lining in scripts and triggers. Here really it is about knowing yourself and being sure that you are protecting yourself from words that usually sting way too much and slipping into destructive behaviors. Pre-event, practice meditation, and really give yourself a break from getting mad if you do. You are brave for going at all in some instances!
Chat Cues and Mini Breaks
Speaking of scripts, this is a perfect time to have talking points and questions to ask to deflect the conversation. If you do not feel like talking about yourself or you always get asked passive-aggressive questions, beat them to the punch and ask them about themselves and something you know they enjoy talking about. Then when things feel like they are moving back to you, get thee to the appetizers or move. Literally moving and taking breaks is great for events that can be high drama. Circulate and take a break. Also, don’t be afraid to step outside. Fresh air does wonders. One of the best things about this strategy is you probably will end
up having some fun! Getting people talking about pleasant subjects that they enjoy to share is always better than bringing up your love life, lack of kids, or recent misfortune. Keep it light and
you might even really enjoy your family!
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Would you like more tips and scripts for managing the holidays and events with a bit more grace? Contact Julialmft for session availability.