Welcome the Santa isn’t even a mind reader: Detached Gift Giving Guide. Tis the season for BIG feelings and A LOT of resentment, if you are not armed with tools to manage expectations and stay grounded in gratitude. Emotions can run at an all-time high from Thanksgiving to the gift-giving holidays. If you were triggered by your family at Thanksgiving, chances that these emotions will spill into the gift-giving season are high. I wanted to offer some tips on practicing detachment, exercising boundaries, and being present during the rest of the holiday season.
Santa’s making a list, but you should toss yours
A thief of holiday joy is a comparison or walk down memory lane of what the person you are giving to has treated you like this year. One way to do this is to stick to a budget and exercise nonemotional judgment in gift-giving. It might be really tempting to give an immediate family member a gift certificate to therapy, which I don’t object to, or a self-help book, but stick to an impartial gift if you find yourself triggered. Toss the list and don’t go back in time. You might drudge up Ghosts of your past trauma.
Grounding under the Mistletoe
Take plenty of breaks for grounding yourself this holiday season. Literally get your toes on the ground, if it is warm enough, and practice deep breathing. Many of my clients who are recovering, find this time of year particularly difficult because of so many events that focus on substance and other temptations. Get grounded and take extra sessions or practices that help you focus on your goals, your sobriety, and yourself.
Clear Communication with Loved Ones
When we are talking about gift giving with our closest relatives and partners, if you want something, ask. If you are not wanting something or a plan, then say it. This is also the season for firm boundaries. Be firm if you do not want to do something. If you are planning an event and you expect a certain level of participation, also be clear with your communication. Avoid falling into back-channel communication and chatter, and be totally upfront with relationship boundaries and all boundaries.
Santa isn’t even a Mind Reader
No one can read your mind. This speaks to the communication point above, but if you really want something you need to make it known, in plain language. Then forget about it. Detach from whether they give it to you or not and be grateful for what you get. If you have a specific arrangement regarding this ask and something goes haywire in delivery, use I statements about your disappointment.
Would you like extra support this holiday season? I am here to help. Sometimes just a session can help reframe your holidays and ground them back into effortless joy, or at least with tools for survival. Contact me for a session.
Looking for more ways to ground yourself like Santa isn’t even a mind reader: Detached Gift Giving Guide during the holidays, in the moment? See my podcast here!